1.

Your subtle words tear me apart
and at every vowel I fall even harder than before.
How something so little, never intending to hurt,
can make me want to just erase everything…
Can we erase everything?
I’ll ask for this until the day I go under,
to never repeat what just happened.

I’ve gotten things taken away too many times
and I know when to pull the plug.
And the water will wash away
this memory of you looking down on me
The whirl of every thought being flushed down this drain.
And I can only wish for you to help me.

Every ink blotch there’s another flicker of hope.
Is this what you intended?
It was everything I could never expect.
Soothing as your words come,
I feel nothing but pain.

2.
I hope you know you are the reason my feet are hanging
on the edge of this cliff
Now, thought late, I notice that nothing really seems
to slowdown until it is about to end.
Every second to an hour and we dont even care
You're nothing to me

you're everything to me
and yet, my brain signals that you  are nothing but an interuption of time.

I live for this
I love this.
This almost fatal thought.

Think of me when you think of her.
Think of her up here instead of me.

I'm falling and the ground is getting closer.

And we're over

3.
It's as safe as nothing to tell you I'm sleeping.
You will ask if I'm taking part in my own demise.
My fear will ascend to new heights and it
might take you to get me down.
I'm losing my faith
I'm losing my hope
I'm losing everything.
And it cant be easy for you to just sit back and watch
My hope is now that maybe this fire will burn out
and the pain will not dwell so deep
Maybe things will go back to normal.
Maybe one day I'll sleep

4.
There were always these small things that
led up to this.
Things that were only recently revealed to me.
And at that point in time, while looking back,
I regret saying things that once made me laugh.
Now in my gut resides a feeling that I've felt
too many times in the past months.
And while I'm here at rock bottom,
I only figured that it couldn't get worse.
Remind me never to assume again.

5.
I’m staring at your through glassy eyes.
There’s an aching in my stomach
and when I blink it hurts.
They made it sound so good.

They lied, They lied,
I’ve lied to myself again.

I walk around with ‘lost’ written on my face
but you swear I’m found.
and I’ve been thinking…
didn’t you say
it only got better?

Well, It’s gotten worse.
and I just keep thinking
over and over again

and it’s getting me nowhere
I’m talking in circles
pacing this room.

It slows and I increase
but it races and I drop.

and we’ve hit rock bottom
but it isn’t as solid
as we’re told.

6.


The stench of life and death
lingers around your nostrils.
The smell of something lost…and it’s gone.
This is where your time is spent.

This is where your mask unfolds.

You gave up and you gave in,
and everything you thought you could handle…
It was everything you missed.
was it worth it?
everything-for a brief taste of the past?

It’s 4:48am and you’re getting distant

With every passing moment.
Every second is one you cant take back
Every minute is one you regret.
if this continues, you wont make it
to the end.

as for me, I hope I’m wrong.

7.


When you know every moment is closer to your demise
there isn’t much room for an escape plan.
And your heart is pacing
but you’re just lying in bed.

Watching your shirt rise and fall
with every breath.
The pen is shaking from your trembling fingers.
Was this how it was suppose to happen?

You hear tick to a clock that doesn’t exist.
And every line you write keeps
getting worse and worse.
Your talent left with your sanity
and now you’re empty.

8.


4/30/06
there is a bathroom floor
with my name all over it.
a knife to my insides
robotussin and an empty stomach,
keeps me alive.

Tell me when I lose my touch,
because I’ve lost my sight.
So maybe I’m pretty.
I want to hear you say it.
It’s enough to feel shitty
and call and leave a blunt message
that I will painfully regret in the
morning.

9.


He had to
(he had to.)
He couldn’t let this
(be passed up.)
“You mean nothing.”
(he had to.)
She grabbed her face
and she ran.
sobbing hopeful tears.
(would you really want to win him back through guilt?)

(he’s sorry.)
So he thought
(well, he didn’t think.)
She’s cascaded in tears
and he’s got to wipe them away
through locked doors.

10.


I’m shaking pretty bad these days
and I’m too scared to find out  what’s really wrong with me.

The future is coming pretty fast
and I’m not ready to deal with the past,
so we will sit and wait for the day of salvation.

The day that we die
is the day that we smile.
Because this is the only life we have
and we screwed it up from the start.


I screwed it up from the start.


11.
Somehow this thunder is soothing.
(sure it is.)
I’m oh, so sure of this.
when my feet are getting splinters from this ragged edge
there isn’t much that isn’t
laced with a scent of home.

I’m so sick of living in the past.
There’s nothing left for me.
Who’s to save the drama queen
when all the king’s horses and all the king’s men
are busy putting the other one back together again.

12.


I saw you make your way to the door
and you know everyone was watching you go.
I had to think of something quick, before your departure.

Even a lie or two was necessary.

Oh, let me pretend that I don’t care.
you know, all this time,
I thought you’d be the one to help me back on my feet.

Instead, I knocked you down
so now that we’re both down here
is there anything you needed?
I’m sure we can find some sort of awkward silence.


Well, we’ll just keep quiet.
See where that takes us.

These chances are blown,
you’re up and off the floor with someone new
while I’m still lying here.
So we’re most defiantly through then?

Now, what have I told you about that line?
No one with morals could possibly follow you out of here.

and you lead her out the door.
This didn’t last.
this wouldn’t last…
because I cant believe a word you say.